love yourself first.

I was engaged to a good guy a few years ago. I feel like it's okay to mention now that some time has passed. That time period had a huge impact on my life. Isn't it every girls dream to get married?

The biggest lesson I learned was, to love yourself first. And trust me, I am still working on that.

Every aspect of your life is dependent on it. I don't ever want to be someone who needs to rely on someone else for my own happiness. I want to know what is important to me, what truly makes me happy. I want to feel Heavenly Fathers love for me every single day, and know that there is a plan in place. I want to have the faith and strength to make decisions to help fulfill that plan. I want to love myself first and foremost.

When it comes to relationships, careers, trials and other areas of our lives, its easy to get lost. I know personally I can get wrapped up in certain situations and become blind to everything else going on around me.

The last two years have been more focused on strengthening the relationship with myself and Heavenly Father. I was reading through THIS article when researching the subject and found a lot of great information. It mentioned looking for the positive and realizing that happiness doesn't depend on outward circumstances like previously thought. I couldn't agree more, it's something I strive towards every day. Working on yourself is in no way, selfishness. It feels great to be independently happy! Part of that comes from eliminating the need for approval.

I can testify that Heavenly Father knows us so well. There is not a doubt in my mind that He is aware of every single detail of our/my life because I share it with him. I feel our Saviors love stronger as I try to grow closer to Him. It's easier to remind myself that the things I want in life will come when Heavenly Father knows I'm ready for them. The same with, the things in life that I don't want to come, is because He knows that I can handle them.

The person I will spend eternity with, the relationships I will cherish and build along the way, that career I'd like, the lessons I don't want to learn haha, etc. It will all come. If only I can stand on my own two feet and treat them the way they are meant to be treated. One day I will be able to share all of those things with people in my life, when He knows I am ready. When He knows that I can give all of the love I have for myself, to someone else.

My Past and Present

I am sitting here scrolling through mormon memes. Embarrassing! Haha but I love them. I love all things that are scriptures, or words from our church leaders that bring comfort and direction to our hearts. Each quote or thought, caused me to think about how I could apply each of those to different areas of my life. It made me remember where I have been and where I have gone. I was in a very different place 4 years ago.

I want to make it clear that I have never felt ashamed of my past since being baptized. On mormon.org it states, "Immersion is symbolic of the death of a person's sinful life and the rebirth into a spiritual life, dedicated to the service of God and His children."

Throughout my teenage years and early twenties, I was completely guilty of making bad decisions. Nothing too crazy, just pretty much everything any other person my age would do that lacked faith in Heavenly Father. I started to realize I was losing sight of who I was, what was important in my life, and my strength to pursue goals. I was becoming of the world, instead of just living in it.

There were times right before, during and after I made my decision to join the church that I had questioned if I would be treated differently. When I moved to Utah, it was such a unique and extreme change from where I had been in regards to the type of people I was surrounded by. It was good for me. However, there have been many times where I've felt different. I am grateful for that difference.

I know that I haven't been given anything that I can't handle. What I was given was a unique perspective on life with and without the gospel. Most of my best friends here in Utah have grown up with the gospel being a part of their life, their entire life. For a time I was envious of this. Why couldn't I have been raised learning the hymns, being a sunbeam at one point, whatever age that is. I still have so much to learn and I am excited to learn. I understand that most of those youthful experiences in the church will be learned when I have children of my own and that they will be that much more special to me. My friends that have grown up with the gospel are wonderful examples to me and I learn new things from them everyday.

To my knowledge, I have never met anyone who has looked down on me for past transgressions. Us mormons, have a common goal of striving to be more Christ like daily. Thats not to say, that we aren't human and still make mistakes. At times, I am guilty of picking and choosing who I feel would be most accepting of activities I have previously participated in. This comes in to play a lot when I am dating. I feel the need to keep in mind who might be mentally strong enough and understanding to deal with my past life. I realize choices that I have made pre-baptism can still affect my future.

I love this gospel with my whole heart. It has transformed me as a person. Just ask my parents who know me best haha They have been a first hand witness of the better person I have become. What a wonderful light the Saviors love can give us when we let Him. It is never too late to accept Him into our life. Every single one of us has talents, gifts and experiences unique to us. I've been blessed to feel such a strong need to share my experiences and testify of my knowledge of the gospel.

Opening a window

There are two windows in my bedroom and my bed is up against one of them. If you've been in my place, you'd know that every floor is a different temperature and being on the third is the warmest! We can't turn down the heater though, unless we want Desi to freeze to death. 

As I've laid in bed the past few nights, I started opening the window above my head just a crack. What a difference it has made! I thought I might hate it in the mornings since I always have difficulty getting out of bed, but it's actually made it easier. How can opening up a window do that? I love the smell of the outdoors. I can peak out and watch the snow falling. I feel the breeze on my face at night. Somehow, all of that to me is relaxing and calming. Maybe it just reminds me of camping, which also brings me happiness. 

It's funny though, how one small thing like opening a window can make a difference in your life. I think its easily applied in any aspect. Making small adjustments can end up bringing you comfort. It's never okay to just live idly, we are expected to always be working towards something, learning. It's easy to remember and know that we need to strive be the best possible us, but its the effort and action needed to take place, thats hard. 

All of that reminds me of the scripture in Alma 37:6

 6 Now ye may suppose that this is ^afoolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by ^bsmall and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

I was reading through a talk that Elder Bednar had once given. He used this scripture as a reference in which he mentioned, in the world we are often tempted by scams of how to receive big things, immediately. 

There are weight loss ads, lottery tickets and many other things that promise us almost instant gratification. But is it healthy? Are we going to appreciate it? Some may argue yes, but what would we have learned from any of it? This life is a learning process and as we get older, and we don't have our parents to push us or any more school to teach us, we are our own educators. We can choose what things we want to take the time to learn. Key word, take the time. All things take time, and as I recognize that, I know that I will have placed more value on the things that I have worked toward. 

Thinking about all of this also helps remind myself to trust in our Heavenly Fathers plan. During rough days or happy days, when we acknowledge that things will work out as long as we do our part, He will be there for us.