love yourself first.

I was engaged to a good guy a few years ago. I feel like it's okay to mention now that some time has passed. That time period had a huge impact on my life. Isn't it every girls dream to get married?

The biggest lesson I learned was, to love yourself first. And trust me, I am still working on that.

Every aspect of your life is dependent on it. I don't ever want to be someone who needs to rely on someone else for my own happiness. I want to know what is important to me, what truly makes me happy. I want to feel Heavenly Fathers love for me every single day, and know that there is a plan in place. I want to have the faith and strength to make decisions to help fulfill that plan. I want to love myself first and foremost.

When it comes to relationships, careers, trials and other areas of our lives, its easy to get lost. I know personally I can get wrapped up in certain situations and become blind to everything else going on around me.

The last two years have been more focused on strengthening the relationship with myself and Heavenly Father. I was reading through THIS article when researching the subject and found a lot of great information. It mentioned looking for the positive and realizing that happiness doesn't depend on outward circumstances like previously thought. I couldn't agree more, it's something I strive towards every day. Working on yourself is in no way, selfishness. It feels great to be independently happy! Part of that comes from eliminating the need for approval.

I can testify that Heavenly Father knows us so well. There is not a doubt in my mind that He is aware of every single detail of our/my life because I share it with him. I feel our Saviors love stronger as I try to grow closer to Him. It's easier to remind myself that the things I want in life will come when Heavenly Father knows I'm ready for them. The same with, the things in life that I don't want to come, is because He knows that I can handle them.

The person I will spend eternity with, the relationships I will cherish and build along the way, that career I'd like, the lessons I don't want to learn haha, etc. It will all come. If only I can stand on my own two feet and treat them the way they are meant to be treated. One day I will be able to share all of those things with people in my life, when He knows I am ready. When He knows that I can give all of the love I have for myself, to someone else.

My Past and Present

I am sitting here scrolling through mormon memes. Embarrassing! Haha but I love them. I love all things that are scriptures, or words from our church leaders that bring comfort and direction to our hearts. Each quote or thought, caused me to think about how I could apply each of those to different areas of my life. It made me remember where I have been and where I have gone. I was in a very different place 4 years ago.

I want to make it clear that I have never felt ashamed of my past since being baptized. On mormon.org it states, "Immersion is symbolic of the death of a person's sinful life and the rebirth into a spiritual life, dedicated to the service of God and His children."

Throughout my teenage years and early twenties, I was completely guilty of making bad decisions. Nothing too crazy, just pretty much everything any other person my age would do that lacked faith in Heavenly Father. I started to realize I was losing sight of who I was, what was important in my life, and my strength to pursue goals. I was becoming of the world, instead of just living in it.

There were times right before, during and after I made my decision to join the church that I had questioned if I would be treated differently. When I moved to Utah, it was such a unique and extreme change from where I had been in regards to the type of people I was surrounded by. It was good for me. However, there have been many times where I've felt different. I am grateful for that difference.

I know that I haven't been given anything that I can't handle. What I was given was a unique perspective on life with and without the gospel. Most of my best friends here in Utah have grown up with the gospel being a part of their life, their entire life. For a time I was envious of this. Why couldn't I have been raised learning the hymns, being a sunbeam at one point, whatever age that is. I still have so much to learn and I am excited to learn. I understand that most of those youthful experiences in the church will be learned when I have children of my own and that they will be that much more special to me. My friends that have grown up with the gospel are wonderful examples to me and I learn new things from them everyday.

To my knowledge, I have never met anyone who has looked down on me for past transgressions. Us mormons, have a common goal of striving to be more Christ like daily. Thats not to say, that we aren't human and still make mistakes. At times, I am guilty of picking and choosing who I feel would be most accepting of activities I have previously participated in. This comes in to play a lot when I am dating. I feel the need to keep in mind who might be mentally strong enough and understanding to deal with my past life. I realize choices that I have made pre-baptism can still affect my future.

I love this gospel with my whole heart. It has transformed me as a person. Just ask my parents who know me best haha They have been a first hand witness of the better person I have become. What a wonderful light the Saviors love can give us when we let Him. It is never too late to accept Him into our life. Every single one of us has talents, gifts and experiences unique to us. I've been blessed to feel such a strong need to share my experiences and testify of my knowledge of the gospel.

Opening a window

There are two windows in my bedroom and my bed is up against one of them. If you've been in my place, you'd know that every floor is a different temperature and being on the third is the warmest! We can't turn down the heater though, unless we want Desi to freeze to death. 

As I've laid in bed the past few nights, I started opening the window above my head just a crack. What a difference it has made! I thought I might hate it in the mornings since I always have difficulty getting out of bed, but it's actually made it easier. How can opening up a window do that? I love the smell of the outdoors. I can peak out and watch the snow falling. I feel the breeze on my face at night. Somehow, all of that to me is relaxing and calming. Maybe it just reminds me of camping, which also brings me happiness. 

It's funny though, how one small thing like opening a window can make a difference in your life. I think its easily applied in any aspect. Making small adjustments can end up bringing you comfort. It's never okay to just live idly, we are expected to always be working towards something, learning. It's easy to remember and know that we need to strive be the best possible us, but its the effort and action needed to take place, thats hard. 

All of that reminds me of the scripture in Alma 37:6

 6 Now ye may suppose that this is ^afoolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by ^bsmall and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

I was reading through a talk that Elder Bednar had once given. He used this scripture as a reference in which he mentioned, in the world we are often tempted by scams of how to receive big things, immediately. 

There are weight loss ads, lottery tickets and many other things that promise us almost instant gratification. But is it healthy? Are we going to appreciate it? Some may argue yes, but what would we have learned from any of it? This life is a learning process and as we get older, and we don't have our parents to push us or any more school to teach us, we are our own educators. We can choose what things we want to take the time to learn. Key word, take the time. All things take time, and as I recognize that, I know that I will have placed more value on the things that I have worked toward. 

Thinking about all of this also helps remind myself to trust in our Heavenly Fathers plan. During rough days or happy days, when we acknowledge that things will work out as long as we do our part, He will be there for us. 

comparison is the thief of joy

Because I've got a golden TICKET.... (aka season pass to Disneyland thanks to momma)

I really do feel spoiled with every trip I take home to California. It's easy for me to forget all the things I have in abundance. Day to day trials easily sweep us into selfish thoughts... What do I want, what don't I have, Me, Me, Me. Can you believe I actually let myself get down on Christmas day? It really truly is embarrassing, but I can't be the only one that becomes jealous every now and then of other peoples lives. Social media is just so good at portraying things in the right light and Satan really is that good at letting your mind run away in the wrong direction.

The gospel is a sure way to pull you out of it though. Even in my darkest of thoughts, I remember and try to bring myself to read the scriptures. You (or maybe its just me) are never angry when reading through those pages. It's as if Heavenly Father is extending his hand, pulling you back to Him to remember our purpose here. 

I sometimes find myself becoming stubborn when I'm in my selfish angry rants. I don't want to pray, I just want to sleep. Somehow sleep becomes a solution for me when it comes to inner battles with myself, it's as if I wake up clearly seeing how stupid I was being. I often catch myself and realize this while I am in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Yes, sometimes I have to force myself to pray and I don't let myself out of the bathroom until I do. I try to brush my teeth for the recommended 2 minutes, and then I kneel down. I probably should wash my bath mats more often. Regardless, we need to remember, that sometimes we need to individually find the way that works for us. Ways to help keep us in line, and to keep our will, in line with Heavenly Fathers will for us. He is great, He knows all, He has a better plan for us than we ever will for ourselves. 

I'm not big on twitter, but I logged on and saw this on Elder Uchtdorfs Quotes:

"I hope that this Christmas... we will consider, in particular, the many gifts

we have been given by our loving Heavenly Father."

It's okay for us all to recognize that we are not perfect, we are not meant to be that way. But we can constantly strive to progress and grow in that direction, always trying to make ourselves better. It is NEVER too late. If we keep in mind our purpose here and what would make our Father in Heaven happy, we can succeed. I truly believe these things, and I'm okay sharing my personal thoughts and faults in hopes that someone can relate. We can be strengthened through one another. I am grateful for this gospel, and I am genuinely touched by those who have reached out to me. This is just the internet, but we can use the internet for good. We can use the internet to connect and share positive thoughts with those we would have never come across any other way. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

xoxo

a sure solution to help you deal with lifes problems: CLICK HERE and HERE

Merry Christmas Ya'll!

Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas!

Love, The Fitzgerald Family

Flight 4577

Nothing can take away the comfort of home.

I flew into Ontario, CA saturday night after a delayed flight. Well, it was only an hour later but it seemed much longer than that. I had planned for a nice little nap, in my cute little 2x2 plane for the short hour and a half flight. Instead, I got Tyrone. A 25 year-old guy from Temecula who was a chatty kathy. We got talking about where we were headed and why, I explained to him that I now lived in Utah, but that all my family was still in California. His next question of course was, why Utah? He had just been on a connecting flight trying to get back home from some work journey. I told him I had moved there, needing change in my life. But then I realized that, although that was a huge reason for my move, that was not the main motivator. I moved to Utah for change, and mostly to put myself in an environment where the majority of people held my new standards and beliefs. I feel like I needed that support and looking back now after two years, it was one of the best decisions I could have made for myself.

After my hesitation of telling him the real reason for my relocation, I knew that I should never back down from sharing the gospel and my beliefs. This led to an entire flight of religious conversation. He told me he was Christian, I explained to him that we were the same. Now, I recognize that I am horribly extremely bad at explaining things, but I tried my very best to touch on the main beliefs of the Church. He listened. He said he didn't know much, if anything about the LDS faith and I don't know how helpful I was because as I started explaining things, they led into more and more things. How the heck am I supposed to stay on one topic without jumping to a million other faucets of the Church beliefs haha! Props to the missionaries.

Our plane started to descend, our conversation started to die down as announcements were coming over the speakers and I realized something. That travel Book of Mormon was in the bag I had checked, and how I wished I had just thrown it in my backpack. I would like to think that if it had been accessible, I would have had the courage to give it to Tyrone. I'm grateful for the spirit and how I feel it in promptings. I love that when we are listening, we can hear its guidance. We can know right from wrong and it can impel us to take action in certain situations.

After locating my bag and stepping outside to wait for my parents to pick me up, I breathed in that warm California air. I looked around and saw no snow and plenty of palm trees. What a change from where I had just been! I am excited that I get to spend the next week with my family. Isn't it a crazy thing, that you can live so far from home and family, yet still come back and pick up right where you left off. Relationships are one of the greatest gifts. Accompanied with love I couldn't ask for anything more.

Convenient Christmas Stars

I have come to the realization that I need to purchase a ruler. Or maybe one of those grid boards that people who sew often use. I feel like that is something that would be extra convenient.

Let's talk about convenience though. As I was wrapping up some last minute presents, I kept throwing to the side the odds and ends of the papers I knew weren't large enough to wrap anything with. Knowing me, a light bulb went off in my head... craft!

I had remembered seeing a post online of how to make origami stars. I gathered my scraps and began the work. What would be better than hanging some Christmas stars in front of my snowy window? Holiday perfection.

Every supply needed was something I already owned, I think most people would be able to find them around the house. The list is as follows...

-Paper (wrapping, newspaper, magazines, etc.)
-Scissors
-Glue
-String (I used twine because I'm obsessed with it and use it with everything)
-Some place cute to hang them

1. Start with a square piece of paper and fold every which way possible 

2. You should have something that looks like this. Cut 4 slits about halfway down. 

3. Fold those slits inward to look like this

4. Place a glue dot on one side of each fold-in section, pull over so that they overlap

5. Once pulled over they should look like this

NOTE: you need to make TWO to create the star!

6. Place glue so that you can stick the two together

6. Wala! It really is that simple. Let stand and dry for a few minutes.

I just taped twine to one of the edges of the star and hung!

I think they are fun in different sizes and colors! What an easy decoration to make your place that much more decorated and full of the Christmas spirit. 

I always try and find some way to tie in the gospel to everything I share. If someone were to ask me what were my talents, I wouldn't know how to answer. The first things I think of are singing or playing an instrument. It seems as if every single person in the church is good at these things with the exception of me! But what I really think is that some times our talents aren't as obvious, or maybe they aren't as common as everyone else's. I sincerely enjoy making things. Whether I am giving them as a gift to another, or finding some way to make the space you live in more festive, I would consider that a talent, or a gift. Gifts and talents come in different ways. Every single one of us has something special to share. I know where these things comes from, and I have my Father in Heaven to thank every day for this life, where I can learn and grow.