be strong.

Do more of what makes you happy! Well, thats what the front of my journal says. As I read through the pages, I can clearly see what makes me happy. It's when my time is well spent with relationships, family and friends. It's when I am outdoors and I am taking in all of earths beauty. It is when I feel the spirit so strongly that I know without any doubts that He is there and I can feel the purpose of my life.

Last week I started taking a pilates class in the Riverwoods. Thank you Groupon :) It has been such a positive presence in my life in such a short amount of time. I am pushed physically, I let my mind rest from worries and forget the outside world. I focus on this body that Heavenly Father has given me, and there is never a moment after a class that I feel unhappy. Legs that feel like jello are a good thing right?

Sometimes in those classes I am looking down, trying to hold onto my strength, my body is literally shaking and I am about to give up until I stare at my socks. Yes, these random black socks with grips on them that I needed for this hour and they say 'be strong' on the top. It's amazing how a few simple words, a reminder so minimal can push us.

So this is what I am going to do. I am going to place little reminders, in every space of my life that I am constantly in. Those places? My room, my bathroom, my office at work, my car. I will start there. By small and simple things are great things brought to pass right? All throughout the Book of Mormon we are told to remember. So lets vow to find things to help us remember to be strong. In our moments of weakness, keep pushing, there is a plan in place and we can trust in our Heavenly Fathers timing.

My birthday fell on a Sunday...

My birthday fell on a Sunday... and it was perfect.

I had a couple people tell me wow, that's the worst day to have your birthday, you can't do anything! Which is completely wrong.

I was able to attend a wonderful sacrament meeting at church where the spirit was so strong! Nothing like remembering Christs love for all of us and renewing our covenants.

Something I have focused on a lot these past few years is the relationships in my life. Although I wasn't able to spend it with my family, I was able to spend it with friends. I value those friendships so much and I had the nicest time just hanging out in the backyard chatting and eating. YUM. Plus, Courtney was an angel and made sure everything looked nice and cute. My super small gathering made for a relaxing birthday which is exactly what I wanted.

I am so grateful for another year! Who knows what 26 will bring.

3 years and the rest of eternity.

If ye love me, keep my commandments.

If ye love me, keep my commandments.

If ye love me, keep my commandments.

What truer a statement can there be. I have always found happiness in obedience and following the laws of the gospel. I don't think of these as things that restrain me, these are clear ways that give us an inner happiness.

I always think about how I was happy before I had the knowledge of the gospel, but once I did learn, it was such a stronger feeling. It was an inner happiness, not something on the surface. It's a feeling that goes to my core, because it is from a Heavenly Father who created us, loves us and knows us.

This week it will be 3 years since I was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Some days, it feels like this was who I have always been, that I have always had these answers to the purpose of my life and I have always known that I was loved by a Heavenly Father, that we all are. But then, I can clearly think back to my life without the knowledge.

Knowledge of the gospel, what an AMAZING gift. I know that there will be people who read this and don't know about the plan of salvation. I have friends and family who are good people, who believe in God, and that is wonderful, but there is so much to Him and his plan for us here on earth. There are answers to who we were before this, how we came to be and where we are going. If you have ever been curious let me know, I will help you get to someone who can explain.

For those of you who are in the same boat as I am, don't ever feel inadequate about not knowing all the stories in the gospel. This life is full of progression, change and learning. We have been given a unique perspective here on earth and we can share our experiences. Don't be ashamed of them.

I believe the best thing we can do for those we love is strive to be an example. Strive to become as Christ like as possible, learn of Him. Share those feelings and promptings we receive, we are blessed with the spirit of the Holy Ghost. Share our testimonies whenever we can. I remember sitting in a fast and testimony meeting one Sunday a few months before I was baptized and I have never felt the spirit so strongly. We can share and speak of the feelings and truths we know.

I love this gospel, our Heavenly Father, our prophet President Monson, the restoration of the Church here on earth, and my family with my whole heart. There are times when I struggle, where I think of myself more than others, but I always find myself thinking of the atonement and everything Christ has done for us. He loves us all so much, and He has a plan.

Humans of...

In an attempt to clean my room, I came across a book I had bought back in December. I'm sure that a lot of you have heard of the popular blog Humans of New York, but when I came across it long ago, it really meant something to me. Brandon Stanton, the author/photographer put out a book this last year, that consisted of a bunch of pictures he had taken and people he had met. I thought this would be the perfect "table book."

There is a few reasons why I think this was such a great concept. Meeting people on the street, taking a picture of them with maybe a quote of something they said, or what they were doing. It is an instant reminder to me that we are all Gods children. Every single person here on this earth has a story, we are all so different. We look different, we act different and we think differently. We are all individuals and not one of us are exactly alike. What a crazy thought. There is no other person in this world who is exactly like me. 

There are circumstances that are relatable, there are hobbies that we can share, views and ideas. But we have all had individual joys, experiences and trials. I know I am being repetitive, but let that really sink in. 

It just gives me such an appreciation for Heavenly Father. He created us all. He loves us all. I know this. We need to remember that when we are meeting people. We are all special and have something to contribute to this life, there is not one person who is more important than another, even though worldly standards may disagree.

Becky and I in New York - 2012

Provo City Center Temple

Just standing outside of this half built temple, viewing the new angel moroni statue that was placed this past week, allows you a few moments of peace and forgetting life's problems.

How do I know the Church is true? Right here. This feeling. I will never know everything. But this feeling, is nothing I have ever felt in my entire life. It is consistently there in times of service, of learning of the gospel, in all good things.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church. Heavenly Father has given us a prophet, Thomas S. Monson.

Bullying and the love of our Savior

Not that a large amount of time has passed, but my teenage years were a blur. I went through middle school not knowing who I was, or what I really thought was funny or liked. I went through a cussing stage where I thought the F word and the color lime green were the coolest things. I got to high school and started recognizing things that I cared about, started participating in things that meant something to me. But at the same time, still completely lost and trying to figure myself out. I turned 18, 19, 20, 21... and as I grew older and knew that I was an adult, I sure didn't feel like one. I thought I had a sense of who I was as a person, but nope, not really.

The reason I am reflecting on that period of my life is because it shaped me. Sometimes it was hard, sometimes it was really fun. I feel lucky that I was never a victim of any extreme bullying. I feel grateful that my parents taught me to treat others with respect. Throughout half of my teenage years, social media didn't exist. After begging and pleading because all my other friends had them, I was given a cell phone at the end of my sophomore year of high school. I made a myspace, I talked on aol instant messenger. All of these things were new. 

The church put out a short video on bullying recently, and if you have a few minutes you should watch it. I don't care what religion you are, or if you are no religion at all, it has a powerful message. 

Guilty of this myself, sometimes we aren't aware of our actions or words. I don't care how young or old you are, bullying exists in MANY forms. The internet is amazing in so many ways, but I cant fathom the destruction it could have caused through those years where I knew nothing about myself. Imagine somebody making fun of you in school, it doesn't just stay at school anymore, it doesn't just stay with whoever was around you whenever something was said/done. It can be posted online for hundreds of people to see, or laugh at. 

I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the guidance and purpose it has brought to my life. It has caused me to reflect on what I am meant to accomplish here on this earth, and has shown me that those relationships we develop here, are the most precious things we can hold. It has helped me to surround myself with people striving to live like Christ. In Matthew 22:37-39 it teaches us to love God with all our heart, and that we shall love our neighbor as thyself. Every single one of us has a purpose here, and we are all different. 

Sometimes I get the urge to read YouTube comments. This can be bad because I get really mad and annoyed at some of them and need to exit out of the page. Most responses to this video have been truly touching. I see comments on there briefly saying, "I'm not mormon, but this is a great video." The Church sets examples. It is such a wonderful gift to have the knowledge of the gospel. To have something be a part of you every single day of your life. I think about our Heavenly Father and the Church countless times throughout a single day. I get on my knees every single day and talk with Him. 

There are good days, and there are bad days. If you have ever had any questions about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints beliefs, please email me and I will try my best to answer or I will direct you to someone better capable. I know how living without the gospel as a part of my life is, and I know feeling the want, but not understanding. If you are going to strive to become more Christ like, it is an every day thing. It is a lifestyle, it is not a once a week thing. I love our Heavenly Father with my whole heart, and I know if you give Him a chance, you will feel His love for you as well. 

I've got a lot on my mind, but not so much going on in my daily life.

Want to know how I know this? It's because I have read 3 books in the last week and a half. Yep, you read that correctly. THREE books in the last 11 days. I read for enjoyment, I read to distract myself from things I am unnecessarily worrying about. Or maybe, I just have had nothing to do.

I wrote in my journal tonight, if you want to call it that. My neat writing becomes a blur of letters spun together because I am too lazy to lift my hand off of the paper. I even questioned starting an online personal journal for myself, but I already have this. Plus, I love the feeling of paper, and seeing my emotion through the way that I'm recording my life. Was my story nice and neat, or was it messy.

The temple has been a huge focus for me lately. It may have started with the thoughts of a new year, but it has constantly been on my mind since. I loved the news report a local tv station in Arizona did on the new Gilbert Temple. It looks beautiful, I would love to go see it. It reminds me of how happy I am when I am focused on the purpose of the temple and its blessings. It is a house of God, it's peaceful. The last time I was there I thought of the individual people we were doing ordinances for. These aren't just names. Every person had a life, they had love, they had families, trials and joys, they had their own story. It's incredible.

Valentines Day is now a day away. I am single. I am happy. I have chosen to focus on our Saviors love for all of us individually. He loves us all! I wish that every single person could comprehend that and take it in. We are loved no matter how alone we may sometimes feel.

I am extremely grateful for those who take the time to email messages to me. What a wonderful gift that helps strengthen my testimony of the gospel! Your emails do not go unheard, every single one is special to me. I always want to express exactly what I am feeling, everything that I share comes straight from my heart.

I love you all and happy February 13th :)

love yourself first.

I was engaged to a good guy a few years ago. I feel like it's okay to mention now that some time has passed. That time period had a huge impact on my life. Isn't it every girls dream to get married?

The biggest lesson I learned was, to love yourself first. And trust me, I am still working on that.

Every aspect of your life is dependent on it. I don't ever want to be someone who needs to rely on someone else for my own happiness. I want to know what is important to me, what truly makes me happy. I want to feel Heavenly Fathers love for me every single day, and know that there is a plan in place. I want to have the faith and strength to make decisions to help fulfill that plan. I want to love myself first and foremost.

When it comes to relationships, careers, trials and other areas of our lives, its easy to get lost. I know personally I can get wrapped up in certain situations and become blind to everything else going on around me.

The last two years have been more focused on strengthening the relationship with myself and Heavenly Father. I was reading through THIS article when researching the subject and found a lot of great information. It mentioned looking for the positive and realizing that happiness doesn't depend on outward circumstances like previously thought. I couldn't agree more, it's something I strive towards every day. Working on yourself is in no way, selfishness. It feels great to be independently happy! Part of that comes from eliminating the need for approval.

I can testify that Heavenly Father knows us so well. There is not a doubt in my mind that He is aware of every single detail of our/my life because I share it with him. I feel our Saviors love stronger as I try to grow closer to Him. It's easier to remind myself that the things I want in life will come when Heavenly Father knows I'm ready for them. The same with, the things in life that I don't want to come, is because He knows that I can handle them.

The person I will spend eternity with, the relationships I will cherish and build along the way, that career I'd like, the lessons I don't want to learn haha, etc. It will all come. If only I can stand on my own two feet and treat them the way they are meant to be treated. One day I will be able to share all of those things with people in my life, when He knows I am ready. When He knows that I can give all of the love I have for myself, to someone else.

My Past and Present

I am sitting here scrolling through mormon memes. Embarrassing! Haha but I love them. I love all things that are scriptures, or words from our church leaders that bring comfort and direction to our hearts. Each quote or thought, caused me to think about how I could apply each of those to different areas of my life. It made me remember where I have been and where I have gone. I was in a very different place 4 years ago.

I want to make it clear that I have never felt ashamed of my past since being baptized. On mormon.org it states, "Immersion is symbolic of the death of a person's sinful life and the rebirth into a spiritual life, dedicated to the service of God and His children."

Throughout my teenage years and early twenties, I was completely guilty of making bad decisions. Nothing too crazy, just pretty much everything any other person my age would do that lacked faith in Heavenly Father. I started to realize I was losing sight of who I was, what was important in my life, and my strength to pursue goals. I was becoming of the world, instead of just living in it.

There were times right before, during and after I made my decision to join the church that I had questioned if I would be treated differently. When I moved to Utah, it was such a unique and extreme change from where I had been in regards to the type of people I was surrounded by. It was good for me. However, there have been many times where I've felt different. I am grateful for that difference.

I know that I haven't been given anything that I can't handle. What I was given was a unique perspective on life with and without the gospel. Most of my best friends here in Utah have grown up with the gospel being a part of their life, their entire life. For a time I was envious of this. Why couldn't I have been raised learning the hymns, being a sunbeam at one point, whatever age that is. I still have so much to learn and I am excited to learn. I understand that most of those youthful experiences in the church will be learned when I have children of my own and that they will be that much more special to me. My friends that have grown up with the gospel are wonderful examples to me and I learn new things from them everyday.

To my knowledge, I have never met anyone who has looked down on me for past transgressions. Us mormons, have a common goal of striving to be more Christ like daily. Thats not to say, that we aren't human and still make mistakes. At times, I am guilty of picking and choosing who I feel would be most accepting of activities I have previously participated in. This comes in to play a lot when I am dating. I feel the need to keep in mind who might be mentally strong enough and understanding to deal with my past life. I realize choices that I have made pre-baptism can still affect my future.

I love this gospel with my whole heart. It has transformed me as a person. Just ask my parents who know me best haha They have been a first hand witness of the better person I have become. What a wonderful light the Saviors love can give us when we let Him. It is never too late to accept Him into our life. Every single one of us has talents, gifts and experiences unique to us. I've been blessed to feel such a strong need to share my experiences and testify of my knowledge of the gospel.

Opening a window

There are two windows in my bedroom and my bed is up against one of them. If you've been in my place, you'd know that every floor is a different temperature and being on the third is the warmest! We can't turn down the heater though, unless we want Desi to freeze to death. 

As I've laid in bed the past few nights, I started opening the window above my head just a crack. What a difference it has made! I thought I might hate it in the mornings since I always have difficulty getting out of bed, but it's actually made it easier. How can opening up a window do that? I love the smell of the outdoors. I can peak out and watch the snow falling. I feel the breeze on my face at night. Somehow, all of that to me is relaxing and calming. Maybe it just reminds me of camping, which also brings me happiness. 

It's funny though, how one small thing like opening a window can make a difference in your life. I think its easily applied in any aspect. Making small adjustments can end up bringing you comfort. It's never okay to just live idly, we are expected to always be working towards something, learning. It's easy to remember and know that we need to strive be the best possible us, but its the effort and action needed to take place, thats hard. 

All of that reminds me of the scripture in Alma 37:6

 6 Now ye may suppose that this is ^afoolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by ^bsmall and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

I was reading through a talk that Elder Bednar had once given. He used this scripture as a reference in which he mentioned, in the world we are often tempted by scams of how to receive big things, immediately. 

There are weight loss ads, lottery tickets and many other things that promise us almost instant gratification. But is it healthy? Are we going to appreciate it? Some may argue yes, but what would we have learned from any of it? This life is a learning process and as we get older, and we don't have our parents to push us or any more school to teach us, we are our own educators. We can choose what things we want to take the time to learn. Key word, take the time. All things take time, and as I recognize that, I know that I will have placed more value on the things that I have worked toward. 

Thinking about all of this also helps remind myself to trust in our Heavenly Fathers plan. During rough days or happy days, when we acknowledge that things will work out as long as we do our part, He will be there for us.